In my lifetime I have found myself in two life threatening situations. One when I was eight years old and the other in my early forties. In both situations I wish I had made better choices.
The way I have addressed my regrets is to create a national program of initiatives for young people (no matter their age, location, education, socioeconomic status, everything and anything that may prevent a level playing field for equal opportunity ) to support them to have the knowledge, confidence and role models in their lives to make life and career choices they are comfortable with.
This organisation is a charity and it relies on me to source funding. I realised in the last couple of years my biases and baggage were getting in the way of me doing this at the highest level .
I took NO too personally. I saw a NO as some-one telling me, my eight year old self wasnt worthy. I knew for my wellbeing and for the organisation I had to rid myself of this baggage.
What an extraordinary journey it has been. Surrounding myself with beautiful kind people, coaches and mentors and engaging in life long learning
One of the things I have learnt is the importance of compassionate curiosity and the best way to channel it is to think of some-one you know who has it in spades. Today I am sharing a piece written by one of the beautiful people in my life at the moment who does compassionate curiosity better than anyone I have encountered. This piece was written by Dave Stachowiak, the founder and host of Coaching for Leaders.
Dave has also kindly agreed to be part of our Young Farming Champions (YFC) Leadership is Language webinar series and will shortly be interviewed by our YVLT Chair Emma Ayliffe and Vice Chair Dione Howard who are mega fans of his podcast series
This is Dave’s personal reflection this week with the podcast found here and the text below
Changed My Mind
When I was 16 years old, I discovered that the police department in the town I grew up in had an explorer program. Since I was interested in a career in law enforcement at the time, I attended a meeting and quickly joined.
I was never a sworn police officer – nor have I ever done any of the difficult work in policing. However, I did spend two years volunteering in uniform at community events, riding along many times with police officers on patrol, and even graduated from a junior police academy. I once witnessed a police officer get assaulted right in front of me.
I had an up-front view of how complex the job of police officer is and, although I concluded that law enforcement wasn’t for me, it shaped a lot of my worldview – especially from the perspective of the police.
If you’ve ever listened to the Coaching for Leaders podcast, you know that I often ask experts at the end of interviews what they’ve changed their minds on. It’s a question I also pose to myself.
It’s relevant to speak on the events of the day, because George Floyd’s murder at the hands of the police has direct implications for how many of us in organizations do better.
In the recent years, and reaffirmed in the last month, I’ve changed my mind on at least three things.
First, I used to believe that, unless there was substantial evidence to the contrary, we should generally give police departments the benefit of the doubt, since excessive use of force seemed rare and isolated.
On this belief, I was wrong.
Thank goodness for smartphones with cameras. They have opened my eyes to what Black folks have been saying for years about police brutality. After seeing hundreds of these videos in recent years, it’s clear that many of these incidents are deeply rooted in systemic racism, not only in our policing, but in American society as a whole.
Yes, of course police work is dangerous, but so is commercial fishing, agriculture work, and construction. Yes, there are police leaders who have taken significant action to address racism in policing, but many also have not. I’m done giving police departments the benefit of the doubt.
Second, I used to believe that, it’s just a reality for us as a society to accept some “bad apples” in our police forces.
Comedian Chris Rock points out that there are some jobs that are too important to allow for bad behavior. Take pilots for example. No airline allows a margin of error for a certain number of crash landings each year. No nuclear power plant allows its engineers an acceptable number of meltdowns. No hospital allows surgeons a quota for ignoring the needs of certain patients.
I’m left with the uncomfortable conclusion that, particularly on this issue, racism is why I haven’t held police officers to the same standard I would expect of any other professional dealing with life-safety issues. As a result, I’ve changed my mind on allowing a different standard in policing – and in my thinking.
But the most important thing I’ve changed my mind on is my own contribution.
If George Floyd’s murder had happened five years ago and you asked me who killed him, I would have said, “Four police officers.”
I’ve changed my mind on that, too.
Today, I know his blood is also on my hands. While my contribution is different than the people who physically killed him, I and others with privilege contributed to his murder by:
- Not speaking out against the militarization of America’s police departments.
- Not recognizing that we need better options for responding to complex situations in our society other than just sending in armed officers.
- Not pushing any of my elected representatives on this issue.
- Not having enough empathy for my Black brothers and sisters who have been doing everything imaginable to get attention on this, for years.
I don’t know where this leaves you, but it leaves me with the commitment to do better on what I’m often inviting others to do:
Ask questions instead of assuming, listen for meaning instead of just words, and taking the time to know the stories of others — not just my own.